fuck,

i'm awake.

dear paranoia;

please, please fuck off.
you are ruining my life.

insecure.

i'm very... insecure with just about everything.
my love life mostly.
i'm worried of driving my boyfriend into unfaithfulness.
i wouldn't be surprised, not because he's that kind of guy, but because i'm so fucking clingy.
i can't stop.

every time he walks out that door i'm worried he'll find another woman.
he deserves a woman.
not a child that cries all the time.

over-everything.

everything is getting to be too much for me.
i'm fucking freaking out.

caved.

I don't understand why I'm so hated.
Have I really been a bad person?

dark come soon.

I hardly write in here anymore.
My life consists of mary-jane, photo shoots, and nothing else.
How boring.

mmrs.

I remembered that time

I took the bus to your house in the

dead of winter and how

the bus got stuck on a hill for

fifteen minutes and how when

I got to your house

my anger melted like the snow

on my boots

and none of it;

the cold,

the people,

none of it mattered anymore

when I crawled into bed with you and

placed my cold

hands and feet

upon your back.

Oh how you would

squeal and scold me before

wrapping your arms around me.