that great love sound.

I was talking about you and how we watch an

episode of Freaks and Geeks every day together

on webcam. I went to call you my friend and then

I realized, you're not just my friend anymore.

You're my friend, lover, and boyfriend. And I smiled

as I backspaced and said "my boyfriend Luke."

:)

modern romance.

This is it, no more booty calls and random hook ups!

I've got the man I want and he wants me just as bad.

My Valentino <3

A rash and severely bruised knees.

It wasn't worth it.

sick of feeling sick.

I don't know how this happens so easily.
I'm just so...sad and insecure.
It's because I know I'm not good enough.

beautiful blue eyes.

I can't wait to see you in December.
I'll shower you in hugs and kisses.

baby, you make my heart beat faster.

I was sitting in the car listening to music

and thinking of this certain guy when my

mind changed over to Kyle and I realized

that I'm no longer sad about breaking up

with him. It didn't take very long. Which

looks bad on my part, but I'm happy now.

I can officially move on and give my loving

to someone else, someone I'm already

thinking about.

black tongue.

I'd make so many exceptions for you.

it's setting in...slowly, but surely.

I thought I was able to shake that saddness.
I thought I was over it and it was just a momentary hump.
But no, it's setting in deeper and deeper.
I'm turning eighteen in nine days....
Another year of failure.
Haha..I don't know why I continue to live.

i'm so glad i'm an island now.

My life...
has come to a grinding hault.

and so the story goes.

NO! NO! NO NO NO NO NO!
No :(
That just...breaks my heart.

only for the night.

So I did exactly what he was running away from.

I talked him into putting his heart out on the line & to never close

yourself off from love and he put it out there for me to take.

I grabbed at it greedily and gave him affection for affection in return.

And then I left him hanging because I can't make up my mind.

like a butterfly pinned to a board.

I took one of those personality tests.

You know, the ones that rips you open virtually and pin points every little vile trait you have.

It's just validation of how ugly and disgusting I am on the inside.

trait snapshot:

craves attention, messy, open, rash, irritable, likes large parties, low self control, weird, fragile, does not like to be alone, emotionally sensitive, worrying, depressed, heart over mind, does not respect authority, dependent, not rule conscious, not good at saving money, more interested in relationships than intellectual pursuits, likes to fit in, very social, frequently second guesses self, phobic, suspicious, not careful, outgoing, vain, compassionate, aggressive, likes to make fun, hates to lose

Magnet.

I don't know if this was some sort of divine intervention.

I don't know if I can call this destiny working it's weird ways.

But, I have to be happy I found such a wonderful person

in the most unconventional way.

no one sleeps when I'm awake.

What's so wrong about wanting good quality sex?

Apparently I'm being punished.

the painful truth.

People use to invite you out because you were fun.

Now they invite you out because they don't want

to be responsible for why you killed yourself.

:)

it's not worth it.

I don't think you realize how you've fucking

reduced me to nothing in just a few days.

I don't think you realize that all of these

tears are because of you.

I don't think you realize that you are fucking

sad and pathetic and how much I wish

I never knew you right now.

Or any of you for that matter.

my machete.

I'll laugh with you and give the biggest

smile you've ever seen from me.

I'll joke around and you'll never know

how much I've thought about dying.

A very unhappy birthday.

Before this bullshit I contemplated having

a house party for my eighteenth.

But then I realized no one would be there

for me, they'd be there because it's a party.

Poisonous city filled with rats.

I'm sorry you had to wait until high

school was over until you could forget

about me. I'm sorry you had to fucking

put up with me longer than you wanted to.

I'm sorry I'm not exactly the fucking NICEST

person but I fucking know I'm genuine and

I'm a TRUE fucking friend. I stood by you guys.

I called you my FRIENDS. I would fight for you.

Sometimes I was callous, but deep down I loved

you all and was constantly thankful for the

friendship you gave me.

But now I know the truth.

You

make me see everything bad in myself.

You make me want to shoot my brains

out of the back of my skull.

Dan.

Stop playing with knives.

Moya.

This song makes me want to cry when I hear it.

The strings at the end just get to me.

It's beauty, it's sorrow, it's triumphant.

I wish the world could hear this song and feel how I feel about it.