sweetness.

One month together.

I'm pretty damn ecstatic.

I'm already imagining your arms wrapping

around me and the warmth you give my heart.

october 1, 2007

I remember hearing vague talk about it.

I remember not bothering to pay attention.

I remember watching a documentary on

journalists in Burma and they showed

footage of the dead monk in the river.

I remember my lip trembling and then bursting

out into tears.

I remember that the kids from my school had

no respect and would just laugh at the screen.

Laugh at the terror and the death of who I could

only assume was an amazing man that dedicated

his life to peace...only to be killed in the process.

Then I sat there and cried for the world.

I cried for the monk and the many others.

And I didn't stop.

abandon ship.

It's not because I don't have faith in you or us,
but I knew we'd split apart faster than we got together.
Is it weird that I called it?

I'm thinking your parents are right.
Two, maybe three, years ago I would have never
understood why.
I would have said they were idiots and that we
just wouldn't listen to them.
I've matured again.
Now I see that this poses as a problem.
You're young and you have your life planned out for you.
The 'punk' girl was never a part of the plan.
And I'm surprisingly okay with that despite how much I like you.

Maybe, in a few years when your parents have no say in what
or who you do we'll see how things go then. Maybe.

oh my dear, Bacardi.

I can't get drunk off of half a mickey anymore.

I suppose I'm a big girl now.

mellow mood.

Last night had everything that I needed.

Which was mostly you.

it's not much of a secret, but...

i crave your parting lips;

i crave your calloused finger tips.

i miss deep guttural groans;

i miss barely audible moans.

i don't care.

I just really really don't care.

But, you keep mistaking me for someone that does.

sweetheart;

I didn't want you to come home this way.

This is not how I wanted this to happen.

sunday; the best day.

Woke up and talked to my baby.

Had a smoke. Had a bowl. Had a smoke.

Talked to people.

Smoked a bowl. Smoked a joint.

Ate cookies and milk.

Started watching RocknRolla.

Gonna have a shower soon.

Today wasn't productive...

but it sure was nice :)

SLAYER

soul to squeeze.

When I use to hear our song on

the radio I use to cry or get upset.

Now when I hear it I still turn it off

but only because it makes me angry.

It makes me angry with you.

cupid.

You kept telling me to never worry.

You tell me you honestly like me and

that I just shouldn't worry.

But, I'm afraid that after so long we'll

realize that all that waiting to see each

other again was a waste of time and that

we'll never work out.

But believe me when I say I want it to

work out with all my heart.

Believe me when I say that this makes

me the happiest girl in the world.

xox

your mask was slipping from the start.

Sometimes I wonder if you know that I know.

Sometimes I wonder why you have to change

yourself in order to please everyone else.

Your act is wearing thin and I'm growing tired

of this game.

You steal my things and make them your own.

Live your own life and stop being immature.

let's go smoke some pot.

Why do I like to get high all the time?

Because I like to forget everything every

once in awhile. I like to be able to be

shaken loose and be so happy I could

burst into millions of gumdrops and

pixie sticks.

another brick in the wall.

School in the morning.

I'm so

fucking

dreading

this.

but I can't help it.

I can't help but gag at my last few mushy

gushy blogs. Unfortunately, I can't help

but gush my little heart out! He's just

so god damn sweet and honest and

talented. He's pretty good to look at too.

It just makes me so happy to have a guy

like him. He makes my heart get all fuzzy

and warm and my head rush with

dopamine and serotonin.

it's getting cold outside.

but my heart is warm.

speak free.

I'm not crazy, I know I'm not crazy.

But I have voices in my head.

They don't tell me to burn down churches

or rape children, but they talk to me.

Well, I talk to her and she talks to me.

So really, I only have two voices in my head.

Myself and a slightly-mirrored one of myself.

I must admit, she's a lot wittier than I am.

She's a nice companion, we have funny little

conversations.

I don't mean to be catty, but...

....oh man, I'm sorry.

I can't help but laugh at her.